Carry Me To the High Place - Part I
From the ends of the earth I cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the rock that is higher than me.
A year ago today we pulled up to the house just a bit after sunset. The silence was pretty deafening and I was ok with that; we both were. There simply wasn’t anything to say in that moment. I gathered up the pitiful remains of a highly recommended Freddy’s burger and dumped the crumbs in with the fries that had gone cold. Kinnard reached back to grab the hot pink zebra striped bag that I hastily packed the night before, pretty sure that the ER visit would turn to an overnight stay.
I felt ok - dazed from the whirlwind of things - but ok. That okayness was definitely God’s grace. Covid had knocked me around for a few days, but fatigue was the main symptom along with an ill-timed coughing spell or two. But, hey, I’d had sinus infections more dreadful than this. I chalked it up to a small, safer price to pay for antibodies. “Hold on” I requested when he motioned to turn of the ignition. I wanted to listen a bit longer to Danny Gokey’s words flowing from the dash. They were eerily - no, divinely - timed.
“Father, You say everything is gonna be alright
But my circumstances say I won't last through the night
I need Your word to hold me now, need You to pull me through
I need a miracle, a breakthrough, I need You
They say You hold the whole universe in Your hand
But my world's falling apart like it is made of sand
Am I small enough to slip through the cracks?
Can You take my broken pieces and put them back?
Give me faith to believe You are on my side
Open my eyes to see You working in my life
Let the past remind me You never fail
Tell my soul “It is well’ ”
The tears welled up again at the thought of a past that indeed reminded me that the Lord never fails - and this was further evidenced by the fact that I could actually walk upright and was not doubled over in pain as I had been less than 24 hours ago. Mom had the kids at home. Friends were managing dinners and snacks and meds for the rest of the Covid-ravaged household. And I was on the sobering road to recovery. Yes, He was present.
For a brief moment, the questions were at bay as the truth of God’s character was spoken to my ears and penetrated my broken heart. “Through the darkness and trials, He’s faithful and He’s true…the whole world’s in his hands…” If He indeed holds the whole world in His hands, am I not included? I’d need to hear the truth about Him again and again, because even though He never fails, my heart was in a million pieces. I would spend the next several weeks living out this tension.
