Because He Sees Me
Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, ‘You are the God who sees.’
A brisk but gorgeous November morning. 💕🌤☺️ I’d already chauffeured the crew off for their educational adventures, hit up a program at the middle school, and met a few new acquaintances. I’m knocking out errands left and right, feeling unstoppable. Fueled on by a couple of “you have a beautiful smile” from passersby as I left the store. (Ooooh, if ‘killin’ it’ was a person!!!) 😎💪🏽 I hop in the truck feeling good enough to take the girls up on their suggestion to download Spotify. (Now that I have a vehicle with Bluetooth capabilities…y’all have been holding out big time.)
My first playlist. Let’s name it “Overflow.” Yeah because that’s how worship feels - like a rushing overflow. 33 songs in two minutes. *wave ya hand, saints!* 👋🏽 We’ve got everyone from Tasha Cobbs, Anthony Evans, Maverick City, & Elevation to Danny Gokey, Hillsong, and a lil bit of Kari Jobe ‘cause y’all know “The Blessing” is 🔥.
Play. ▶️ Chandler Moore and Elevation is up first. 🎶🎤 “I’ll never be more loved than I am right now..” 💕 Ok, bet! I can rock with this.
On to playlist #2. Let’s call it “MSU.” Now we’ve got Alanis, Pink, Lauryn Hill, Brandy, Celine, Nikka, Nelly Furtado, Erykah Badu, India Arie, Christina, Missy Elliot. Oh what about…never mind. Delete delete delete. I see you royal priesthood out there clutching your pearls. No worries, I had the “clean” versions.
Where’s Musiq Soulchild? No wait that goes in 💕MSU Love 💕 because, yeah, I met a guy. Yep, that’s definitely another playlist. Anthony Hamilton, Brian McKnight, John Legend, Jaheim, Jodeci…oooh yes, and Carl Thomas because, hunty, I don’t the last time I heard “Summer Rain.”
Chandler: 🎤🎶 “Jireh, you are enough…and I will be content, in every circumstance. Jireh, you are enough…”
A pause. I scroll through the playlists as the song titles walk me back in time. Feelings stir from the memories and from the realization that my music choices had drastically evolved over the past couple of decades. It was a trusted friend during some rough, dry patches in my life. Every artist offering a balm that I needed to work through the gamut of feelings I experienced in that long season. Lord, You’ve been good.
Chandler is in his element now…
🎤“I don't wanna forget how I feel right now. On the mountaintop I can see so clear what it's all about
Stay by my side when the sun goes down….Don’t wanna forget how I feel right now.”
There it began. A single tear spilling over from a heart so sweetly reminded of the love of a God who had proven to me over and over that He was indeed enough. I was so arrested. Friends, in case you don’t know, let me be the first to inform you, you haven’t lived until you’ve been completely blindsided by the love of YHWH.
He wasn’t done rolling the film. Memory after memory. Things long forgotten. Trials that I never shared. Pain that I never complained about. Thoughts I never expressed. Feelings I never explored. Questions I never asked…
🎤 “I’m already loved. I’m already chosen. I know who I am. I know what you’ve spoken…
And that is enough...You are enough!…”
Wave after wave. The storm surge wall is completely compromised at this point and the tide is overwhelmingly high. I had zero control. (I’m feeling it again right now.) Why did all of that happen? Lord, it was too much for one person. What was that all about? And further, why was I not broken? Why was I not destroyed? Why, just why have You loved me so?
Song #2 is up now. Chandler Moore is at it again. “I’ve tasted Your goodness. I’ll trust in Your promise…I’m gonna wait on You.”
I don’t have the wherewithal to phone a friend. I thought about it, but I couldn’t speak. I didn’t know what I’d say or ask for. All the while the Holy Spirit is encouraging me to stay in the moment and reflect on the love that had been shown to the likes of me. I dare you to try it without it utterly breaking your soul. So there I sat, weeping for joy because the Lord, my God, has taken all my trials and made me triumphant.
🎤 “They that wait - On the Lord - Shall renew…renew their strength…
THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU WAIT!”
My phone rings; it’s Kinnard. I contemplate not answering, because I couldn’t pull it together. It took at least a minute before I could manage, “Hold on, I’m ok.”…because ya boy was ready to roll up. I blubber out some stuff to him about the the favor the Lord has shown to me over time - which included meeting him. Neither of us was wise enough to know that the Lord was not only holding us steady but preparing us both for great missions ahead.
Unwise. Unfaithful. Unaware - and a few more befitting titles could go here. Lord, I gave You every reason to turn away like you did when Your perfect Prince of Peace was pummeled to the cross, but there you were. Cleansing me. Washing and rewashing. Making me wise and discerning. Shaping and molding me. Protecting me. Opening and closing the necessary doors for me. Holding on to me. Pulling me back to you. Showing me in no uncertain terms that no one would ever match Your love for me. Your affection would never wax cold. You were always there…and you never took your eyes off me.
Twenty minutes have gone by and I’m still no good. Travis Greene is now up. “There is beauty for ashes, hallelujah. The Father hasn’t forgotten about you.” This may be the first time in my whole walk with God that my soul cried out, “Are you kidding me right now, Lord…what do you want from me?” Connie, I want your overflow.
But how can I bear the thought of all that He has redeemed. All the years that the locusts had eaten. Every curse hurled toward me was cast down. He made a liar of all my accusers. I was hard pressed on every side, but still standing. Bewildered and confused because of the warfare around me, but still had joy. Mistreated, but He held on to me. He made every weapon formed against me look like Tonka toys, and reassured me that regardless of the enemies’ tactics, I simply CAN NOT LOSE.
“Come receive the harvest - for all you’ve sown in tears. He’s rewriting your story now. He’s redeeming the years.” He has made every teardrop a seed for the harvest. He has exposed the hearts of the enemies. He made Himself my heart’s deepest desire. He has set me apart for His purpose.
He has kept me.
He has remembered me.
He has seen me.
And He has shown Himself to me.
El Roi.
“...let me be the first to say it, you haven’t lived until you’ve been completely blindsided by the love of YHWH.”
